Plans That Don't Pan Out

Again, I have failed at updating my blog. I can partially blame it on the fact that I have been busy (yay!), and then I can partially blame it on my constant unwillingness to write a new blog post. But, after today's events it is needed and I am in the mood.

An update of the big things that have happened in the last couple weeks. I have been working quite a lot, gaining more and more hours (and money, weee!). Have done lots of crafting,baking and cooking, as you will see below. Which includes starting my scrapbook that I have been thinking of doing for ages, and my inspiration book I spoke of last post! I picked up my knitting needles (and put them down again). And baked some pretty delicious treats! I hadn't been feeling 100%, really lethargic, stomach pains and a bunch of other nonsense, which including fainting outside a store. The story to that goes as so: I was in a store with my mum, getting my receipt for my purchases and could feel a fainting spell coming on as I couldn't see the woman in front of me, only spots. I then managed to make it to my mum where I whispered "I'm going to faint" we walk out the door, sure enough I collapse to the floor. I make life so exciting. I was perfectly fine after sitting for a minute and having some water. Anyway, a cold stacked on top of these other symptoms, went to see the doctors, didn't find anything (though I am going for a blood test, just in case) and am feeling pretty good now. Isn't that just the way it goes?

I also went to visit my aunt and her family. She is a health visitor and visits people in their home to see how they are doing with whatever medical issues they are dealing with or check ups they need. We both thought it is something I would enjoying tagging along with as I would like to be a nurse, and am interested to see what she does and what it's all about. It was wonderful to spend sometime with her and my cousins. As for the visiting, we visited one patient, but the other had to cancel. So, I didn't get to see much, but she explained a lot to me about her work and I still really enjoyed it. We have hopes for me to go out with her again to see a little more.

Here's a good one. I went up to London to pick up a few things I needed. Went to the Clinique counter, bought a few things but when the woman was ringing my things up, I changed my mind on an eye cream after seeing the price (23 pounds!) and asked her to take it off. I got home from my little shopping trip, and was showing mum my purchases, reaching into the Clinique bag I pull out the 23 pound eye cream! Freak out, thinking I am a thief. Call Clinique, explained what happened and am returning it when next in London. Myself and others thought this was very good of me as most people would say "Sweet, free stuff" I just knew I couldn't use and not feel guilty. What a day that was.

My Valentine's day was wonderful, even though I was without my valentine. I woke up to beautiful roses and my new camera bag (both pictured below) the perfect way to start the day! In the afternoon, I went to go see Billy Elliot the Musical with some family. Is was spectacular! I loved it. I think because usually in musicals it's more about the music and there is less dancing, but Billy Elliot is about dancing, so it has a lot more and really great choreography, and it was quite funny.After the show we went to a pub for some "Pub Grub" for dinner, which was delish. Then headed home to skype Keaston, we didn't get to spend the day together, it was good enough for us both seeing each other. A few days later, I received my Valentine's gift: Goldfish crackers, Kraft Dinner, and my favourite Thai Curry Paste ( a couple foods I had been craving and can't get here) a Vegetarian cookbook (Very fancy, don't know what half the ingredients are. Cooking from it will certainly be an adventure!) and a beautiful Celtic Knot ring. He always outgifts me, but I am very thankful!

Now, onto the events of today. Just going to get right to it, my au pair family unfortunately doesn't need me anymore, I won't go into details, just leaving it at that. I was pretty devastated, as I was so eager to get started and start something new, and then it falls through. A plan that had been re planned and an infinite amount of times, and once again had not gone as I thought. I got upset, but just kept thinking to keep positive and we'll figure out a new plan. I really surprised and impressed myself on how well I took it, I wasn't mad at the family (though others around me are) as they couldn't have predicted this, and I wasn't devastated all day and just wanting to crawl into a hole and cry. I decided that I was just going to ignore the panic of "What am I going to do now? I need a new plan", and deal with it at another time when I am ready and have more ideas of what the plan might be. I kept remembering a quote I really appreciate "The Pessimest complains about the wind. The Optimist expects it to change. The Realist adjusts the sails" I have been trying to follow this quote lately, realize that this is life and I make it what it is, and have to find a way to change it or find a way to live with it so I am happy. And this is an idea I really have to hold dear to me now when the sea seems unmanagable. To calm myself I baked a Lemon Poppy Seed Loaf, made and ate some dinner and worked on this blog post. I am still feeling calm about the whole thing, allowing ideas of what may lay ahead pass through my mind, but not getting caught up in it. I will have a new plan, when I make it, and I won't be rushing into.

I can't say I blame anyone but myself. The last couple days I have been super home sick and feeling low, just wanting the simplicity of home instead of the unknowings and difficulty of living here. I have been missing people a lot, and have sent a few messages of "I just want to come home now" and had a very small piece of me hoping that something would go wrong with the au pair family, so I could be home sooner (usually followed by a thought of "Oh no, this will be a great experience"). I guess I wished for being home so much, I made it happen. Not that I am packing my bags and booking my ticket now, I have that freedom now. I'm thinking that I was just wishing for a certain outcome so hard, I made it happen.

As for what to do now. I don't think I want to stay and work here as I am now in the job I am in, I love it, but I don't see the point. Not that there needs to be one, I just think it is passing time that I could be passing in Canada. I don't know if I want to look for a new family, that is stressful, I don't know if I am up for it again after quite a few let downs, it is something I have always wanted to do though. I could travel, as everything is so close. The thing with that is, I am not sure if I am ready to travel on my own. I have spent plenty of time on my own when I have been here, I am not sure if I am secure enough in myself to travel on my own. Don't get me wrong, I would love to travel and see all there is to see, don't know if I am there yet. I will take some more trips up to London and other easy places on my own though. I will work up to it. I also of the option of a few friends that are coming to visit within the next few months, being able to go adventuring with them. Or, I could always pack up and head home. The thing is, I don't want to get home and feel unsatisfied with what I did in England. It would be nice being home though, back for summer and all it's joys and into University in September. I really have no idea of what's going to happen. I haven't been thinking in months ahead, only days, and it has been working well in keeping stress down and focus on the now. Ohh, I really wish I had a life map right now that tells me what happens throughout. These are the thoughts pacing through my brain at the moment and it is sorta stressing me out thinking of it too much, so, will leave the planning a little longer. I sound like a Negative Nancy, but I am not trying to be, just trying to find the right/best thing to do.

That what's been going on, would greatly appreciate love and thoughts on all of this. Lots of pictures today! I hope you enjoy them!

...I would like to work on a cruise ship (Free cruise!) at some point in my life, eh, maybe I have an opening now!

Love from England,
Jessie

I tried to make sushi, it sucked. I miss Tokyo Sushi

Roses from my very kind boyfriend

I am getting good at this layered cake thing!

I love me some sunsets





A (very) late Christmas present. Custom made camera bag, I adore it!





I made feather earrings! Quite proud of these bad boys

Vegetarian Chili in a Jacket Potato(Baked Potato, the English are weird) This was unbelievably good

Flowers in February, so confused

So weird having flowers, instead of snow

Meerkat socks, hilarious

Yellow flowers

New Growth



Getting ready for Imperial Cookies (which went down very well at the Nursery). For some reason I didn't take a picture of the finished product...?



It snowed! I was thrilled, it only stayed for a few days but it was hilarious watching the panic and shutdown of a country due to a few inches of snow.



I learned how to knit hats! One was knit for my boyfriend, another for my dad!