Wishing Only Wounds the Heart

I have had another busy week, although it did not feel busy. I went over to visit my aunt and uncle. We did some shopping. And I bought coloured pants, one pair greenm and  anther purple, something I would never thought I'd buy. I really like them though, and have already got wear out of them. As well as some new cords, they are so soft and just wonderful! I also bought some tights, to wear with my many skirts and dresses and a watch, as I have been finding I am constantly searching for a clock to tell me what time it is. We went to see a movie, it was good, very funny. It was bizzare leaving the theatre as it felt like I should be walking out into Winnipeg after seeing a movie and was surprised to find it was definately not. And on the weekend, I went for a drive through London, it was really nice, neat to see all the buildings you see in movies in real life, a life very different from Winnipeg. I also found my nearest Starbucks, that was just a wonderful end to the drive.

We had another family day, with many cousins coming over for lunch. It was lovely to see them all. That's just one great thing about coming over here. I don't have much family in Winnipeg, and I only see them on holidays. Over here, I have lots of cousins that are frequently visiting. It's really nice to get to know them and spend time with them as I haven't got the chance to do that ever. I love learning about their personalities, seeings aspects of them that I see in myself and in my other family, and tend to laugh at how alike some are.

I went to see Wicked for the second time, and it was fantastic. It's truely amazing, and you are hooked on it by  the first song. You get so wrapped up in the story and the characters, it made me want to be in the musical, I know that won't happen though, so sad. The singers were unbelievable, and incredibly funny. They were the kind of singers that give you shivers they're so good. I found myself frequently wanting to belt out along with Alphaba (main character), but decided it was inappropriate and I would do it in the privacy of my own home. I will have all the songs stuck in my head for a good week. It was their 5th birthday being in London, and they said a little after and had some of the old cast members come out, along with a drop of many balloons and green confetti.

Again this week, I have had lots of love and support from home and it has been so helpful. I beginning to realize that I am not alone as I thought myself to be in this big adventure, I have a large team behind me cheering me on and already proud of me. I have gotten good shoves from people, some a little harsher then others, to help me go out and experience and I continue to move each day, continuing my baby steps. There have been lots of thoughts and discussion of when I should go back to sweet home Manitoba, earlier then expected. But I don't want to give up on an oppurtunity or on myself. I keep taking each day as it comes, even those filled with anxiety of the little tasks I have to do remembering things can always get better. The little tasks include trying to find a job, which is always tough, and I don't have to many ideas of what I'd like to do. But, I am sure that I will find something to do, and hopefully something I enjoy.

I know that confidence will help me get through my time here, and I am finding that I do not hold as much as I thought. I am actually quite shy in reality, with new people or people I am not used to and not the type of person to walk up to someone and strike up a conversation. I am still quite shy and quiet around my family as it takes some time for me to come out of my shell and be as strange and loud as I can be. I think that is something I will grow in here, break out of my shell a little more. I definatley did grow throughout high school, with much help from improv, which quickly corupted me (only in postive ways) but I think I will see that I can grow more from that and become a little more comfortable for being myself and showing others around me, even when I first meet someone, just who I am.

Leaves, fall is here

Sophie, William, and Lucy my younger cousins. Just one of the many pictures we took on the trampoline

William is such a strange child, a true member of our family

A giant ship in a bottle near Buckingham Palace

So.Big.

My new watch!

Love from England,
Jessie

Illness of The Home

As of today, I have been in England for a month. It doesn't feel like it's been that long, and I feel like I haven't done much, it basically doesn't feel like much. And I am not sure if it should feel like much? I have made it a month, so I am decently proud of that. But desperate for a regular routine, which I hope I can put together soon. I have the first step of volunteering at a nursery in an after school club, I am doing that for a couple weeks and see what evolves from it after! I have done a bunch of paperwork to go out with my cousin who is a visiting nurse to go with her on work experience. I really hope that it works out and I can go see what it is like, and get a better idea of nursing and that it is what I want to do.

I am itching to get a job, something regular, something to do. But I am taking small steps, not looking too far ahead, and focusing on one thing. I think that will be a large thing to remember in my time here, taking my time, focus on what I am doing, and try not to worry too much. We'll just have to see how that goes.

I got my first English Starbucks today, I don't know how I survived so long without. I have been desperate for some for ages, and was very happy to finally get my Starbucks fix. And next time I visit a Starbucks, I may have to accidentaly bring a resume and an application. Complaints on free coffee? No.

The other night I had my first feeling of real "home sickness". I was laying in bed, and thought about my bed in Winnipeg and how much I missed it, I even teared up a little. There is something so comforting about your own bed, the warm safety and security, I am not sure what it is, but I was desperately wanting to ship it over to have that familiar comfort. My feeling of home sickness was not that for the people (as I do miss them terribly, but still keep in touch, which is SO helpful) but more for Winnipeg. Just the little things, places I frequently go and see, the things I know. And I thought of what it would be like to being going to University with my friends. How much easier it would have been to have stayed put and gone to school. But, I could not deny this opportunity that was presented to me, as hard as it is, and I hope I can make it worth it, having no regrets.

Also, after some complaints of the hard to read font of the blog, it has been changed!

Creme Brule Macchiatto, so pleased.

My happy fingers after all super glue was removed (after 3 days). I thought this photo was fun, and may play around with the idea a bit more!

Happy Tuesday!
Love from England,
Jessie

Cuppa Tea, Cuppa Tea

This week was very easy going and I just enjoying my time. I have cooked and baked lots, which I really enjoyed, and it ended in some delicious treats for my family and I. I have also been reading, just one book "The Pillars of the Earth" a thousand page novel so it is taking me some time to get through it. I love just being engulfed in a book and forgetting about your own life. And its like a free movie in your head! I have been taking advantage of the wonderful, sunny weather and been outside swimming in the pool and out for a couple runs. So pretty much a lazy week.

Although, I did have a play date with a little girl named Alice when her mum came over to put a decal on my wall (Picture below!). She was very energetic and always had something to do. And was fascinated by the various fairies scattered around the house. She was definitely wearing her bossey boots, as most 3 years old do, but with much babysitting experience I didn't mind to much and enjoyed a day of swimming (in the very cold pool), trampolining and watching Beauty and The Beast (twice). A very busy, and enjoyable day.

I am sort of jealous of my friends going to university, falling back into a school routine. I do like school, well, learning the interesting things, and socializing and becoming best friends with the teachers. And I love having a routine, knowing what is going to happen in the day, where you're going and what you're going to do, so simple. Although, I think I will be scary not going back to Westwood, but going to a much larger University, knowing few people. It's a great opportunity to meet people and study things you actually want to study. That is what I am most looking forward to, taking the baloney classes I may not need, but am totally fascinated in. I am still not sure where I am going to school, and that decision is still months away, but I know what I am going to do, and am looking forward to it.


But, to keep up with my university pals, I have gotten a library card and have borrowed a couple books of things I am interested in. Just protect my brain from turning into mush. I got a book on World Myths, which is super neat to read about the ideas people had in the past for why and how things happen. And learning about ancient civilizations and how they lived, so cool. The other book I got was one on the universe, with incredible pictures of outer space. When I was little, I was fascinated with outer space and wanted to be an astronaut, needless to say that dream died out. As well to keep me smart, I've been watching the documentary channels for informative shows (okay sometimes I include Pawn Stars and Storage Wars) but have watched some really cool documentaries on bears and life under the sea. Through watching these shows, it makes me want to travel and take pictures of all the beautiful things the world holds. I've seen a lot of beautiful things on the TV screen, and want to see them in real life now and be able to capture pictures of it.

Finally, I think England is getting to me, I am drinking English Breakfast Tea more often, and even "needing a cuppa". But I am still being made fun of and corrected for saying "dollars" instead "pounds", ohhh still so much more to get used to!

Sooo, I was trying to super glue some little fairies back together, the glue got all over me. I quickly tried to wash it off, but it just spread around. This is my hand after, with much washing, a hot shower and nail polish remover.
No luck, cool new look?

And the blue would be my nail polish rubbing off onto my hands, lovely!

Jynx nomming on Charlie, not appreciated

One of the many cool pictures in my Universe books

This was in the World Myths book, it's sorta like a bad post secret. You know how people sometimes hide them in books? Yeah, pretty sure he dead.

Dandelion clock decal, super neat!

Alice and I watching Beauty and the Beast, such a sweetheart

She loved the pool, and was a great little swimmer!

Love from England,
Jessie

A Tremendous Amount of Cake

I'm sorry for the wait for the latest blog post. I've been in a bit of a rough patch, feeling quite 'stuck', and trying to write a blog from this spot seemed impossible. This move is a lot more difficult then I though it was going to be, and holds a lot more extreme and wide variety of feelings that I never thought I'd have. It is not as simple as I thought it was going to be, I thought things would simply fall into place and I would quickly lead a happy, busy year. I am finding I have to work much more to get the things that I thought would be conveniently set before me. I felt a little over run by all the things that I felt I had to do. And quite lost and frustrated not knowing where anything is and not being able to do too much on my own. I am feeling more positive now, I still have many worries filling my mind, but am hopeful I will find some sense of security soon.

As for updates of what's been going on, I have celebrated 3 birthdays ( including my mum's!), gotten my National Insurance number (so I can get a job now), and gone to Convent Garden (A shopping area, along the lines of Osborne, but to the extreme). The fact that I am now able to go out and get a job is quite nerve wracking. I've decided I want to work in a nursery, and have a few in mind, so just hope something works out! I am ready to start a schedule and have something to do. Still scary going out there, but I have been haunted a poster that reads "Keep Calm and Carry On". I seem to be seeing it everywhere, and I take as a sign of advice, as simple as it is, to just stay calm and keep moving as things will work out in the end.

I also re-read all my letters that I received from loved ones before I left. They warmed my heart to hear such kind words and filled me with a tremendous feeling of love. They held guidance and advice to help me through my time in England, to help me remain in one happy piece and know I can get through it all.  I got messages from friends for comfort and guidance as well, which was incredibly nice. Not for the fact my friends were having a rough time too, but they could still come to me when I am far away, that they trusted in me, and loved me that much. I've always called myself the Mama of my friends, and in this time, I truly felt that I was. I care for my friends so much and want them to be happy, when they are upset, I feel upset for them and try to help them find a way to feel better. I try and keep them positive and chugging on, I suppose I should take some of my own advice.

So my lovely friends, I will update again soon, Keep Calm and Carry On!

Watch this video, as I have been watching it consistantly, always making me laugh.

Flowers from the garden

Cake I baked for my cousin. I placed all the chocolate stars on, it took a long time.

Happy Birthday Mim!

This is Dennis. He lives with his fish friends in my Aunt and Uncles pond. He's HUGEEE

Fall is coming!

Tommy, sleeping on my Uncle's Porsche, LOLcat forsure

Love from England,
Jessie

Please Mind the Gap

I have been experiencing England a little more the last few days. With a family BBQ that was interrupted by a sudden pour of rain. I went to Chessington amusement park, my first time being at an amusement park! (That wasn't the Ex). I got to spend some quality time with my cousins, get to know them a little more, and enjoy the rides, with the help from Fast Trak Passes that prevented us from standing in lines for 2 hours for a 5 minute ride. All in all, it was a lovely day.



I finally went to London, and took almost a modes of transportation in London there is, car, train, bus, tube and of course, my own legs. My mum and I went to Oxford street and did some shopping and just looked around. It was so strange to see the hussle and bussle of the street as  it was very different in comparison to Winnipeg's bussle. There is actually thousands of people of the street, trying to get somewhere, it was fascinating. I really wanted to avoid being some doofus amateur tourist, but I carried my large Canon camera, Bernadette, snapping pictures of the street constantly and stopped at a Tourist Booth to buy a funny present for a friend. It was an exciting an tiring day, and made my love for London blossom.

While shopping, my mum and I went into a Forever 21 wanting to know if my Canadian gift card would work in the UK. The guy that we talked to had a Canadian accent, that was so welcoming compared to all the English accents I've heard. He had just moved from Calgary and was in London for 2 years on a Visa, and had only been in the UK for five days. He couldn't answer our question, but it was so nice to see someone in a similar boat, far away from home and at quite a loss of what to do. After we left I immediately wanted to run back in, talk about the prairies, cold winters and other Canadian related things, but settled on returning to apply for a job, in hopes I could bond with someone that was close to home.

I've been starting to see what my English life is going to be like, all the opportunities around me and different things to do, and I am growing more fond of it everyday and becoming more comfortable. The idea is setting in that I am living here, and the idea seems more achievable then it did in the last few days. I am still missing my friends and family alot, especially when I talk to them and hear all the fun things they are doing in Winnipeg and the familiar places they are going. But I know I can always return there and that I could even have those familiar places in my new home. I think England can tell I am adjusting and starting to like it more as it has been really nice weather the last couple days and it is meant to continue. And actual nice, not what UK considers nice which is its not raining and sometimes you can see the sun from behind the clouds.

I am now facing what to do in my year here, and many ideas have been thrown around. Working as a nanny, working on Oxford, even the idea of going to college for a degree to work in nurseries. All are still ideas, and I have a big choice ahead of me deciding what to do with my year. Things feel less overwhelming then they felt before, the idea of choosing what to do is still overwhelming, I just hope to fit in everything I want to do. That includes travelling, so I hope to find out what I want to do soon and start saving my pennies to see the rest of this beautiful world!

Playing with Shadows

My wardrobe/Picture Frame

Woke up to this in my bathroom sink one morning. Didn't know I was living in the amazon with giant spiders! He just hung around in the exact same spot all day until he was removed.

I wanted this as my comforter, mum refused. Rude.

Oxford is a Circus!

What I came out with after shopping

5 Pairs of shoes! I hate shoe shopping! It was a good day

Don't mind you at all London

Love from England,
Jessie
xoxo